A few months ago, I caught up with a former student who is now in the military and completely off the social media grid. As I commended him for his decision, he challenged me on my continuous one with Facebook.
“Why are people on there?” he asked.
The question tacked itself on to me, and the following day, I deleted my social media apps and limited myself to once a week for about one minute though most days, I didn’t go on it at all. I was amazed at how I started to feel.
Over the years of watching people on social media, particularly Facebook and Instagram, I have begun to understand the problems that come with it. Unfortunately, it seems like there are more problems for a viewer on social media, but there are a few for the posters as well.
Perhaps the worst of these is the consistent postulating people do when posting on social media. It makes sense. We want people to see us at our best. Apparently, we want people to see our kids at their best, too. The question that begs to be asked is “why do we care?” The answer? Competition, albeit friendly.
Don’t believe me? Halloween is in one day. Get ready for tons of photos of kids in costumes. Not that it’s all bad, but it does create competition and some peer pressure. Your friends all posted pics of their kids, so why shouldn’t you? After all, YOU put time in to their costumes, too! Come to think of it, you also carved those pumpkins, so post a pic of those…and your decorations…and your dog’s costume…and your own. See? It’s an interesting effect but not exactly a good one.
A woman who was teaching of all things a Catechism class was going over the commandments in a more modern way and brought up “Thou shall have no other gods but me.” She mentioned the token examples: money, sex, power, but she brought up a new one, too, social media. She described our profile pages and posts as “shrines to ourselves,” and I never forgot it. People want to be noticed and gain some attention. That’s who we are, but it gets out of control when we nearly DEMAND it by un-privatizing our lives.
People now use Facebook as their online photo albums, so those days of going over a friend/family member’s house to look at cruise slides? All 40+ go online. There ya go! Take a look at what they did that you didn’t. Now? Post YOUR pics so they see how good you have it! It’s an unbreakable circle, and it runs over a few more people in its wake.
Tagging pics adds a new layer of negativity in the form of hurt. A few years ago, a colleague of mine posted pics at a theme park and tagged the people who went with her. Amazingly, another colleague posted the response, “why wasn’t I invited?” I was shocked at how brutally honest she was, especially to see her sharing that hurt. Unfortunately, the picture remained where it was as if to say, “I could careless about who isn’t here.”
I have experienced this to a level I can no longer deal with. Family tagging each other when some of us couldn’t be there or weren’t invited, friends not inviting us to events and freely posting the pics and tagging other people we know, taking loads of pics at some events and posting them but not the ones you go to. These are all part of the hurt, and God forbid you call someone out on it. It’s as if people no longer think about their audience, and that is a dangerous road to take.
One of my favorite examples of this is the back-to-school pictures. People post pics of their kids with their school name, teacher, grade, and bus # proudly displayed. Whether the site is “private” or not, I can’t imagine un-privatizing that information. My kid’s school information is not needed for a school picture, and neither is anyone else’s, particularly for safety reasons. However, people forget the audience and don’t seem to understand that besides hacking, someone else could be seeing those pics secondhand, so why take the risk?
My other favorite example is the “challenges.” “Post ten pics of you and your significant other! I did!” Let’s translate that: post ten pics that are BETTER than mine that prove that you and your significant other are in love! Why? I never realized that my relationship needed to include everyone else in addition to needing to prove anything. Unfortunately, I used to ride that train of thought, and it derailed. My life wasn’t perfect and still isn’t. Playing into that game causes an interesting psychological effect. Start posting those pics and questioning whether you need more. Why aren’t you taking those alone trips anymore? Why isn’t he/she dressing up with you or smiling like THAT anymore? Why is everyone else posting more recent pics than you? Are you TRULY in love?
In a way, it was refreshing to not see any more “look what I’ve been doing” or “look what my kids are doing” pics and posts. Guiltily, I delved back in after about a month, but I still stay on for only a few minutes, and I tend to look for The Onion or Someecards. Overall, I think the 2 ways this quick journey changed me is that #1, I’m valuing my privacy even more these days and choosing to keep it that way, and #2, when I am spending time with my husband, kids, or anyone else who is significant to me, I enjoy the moment rather than snapping a million pics to take me out of the moment for the purposes of posting that I enjoyed it.